Last Monday was the last time I nursed Korbyn. She's still getting breast milk because I'm pumping but no more boob time. From day one I never felt like I got the hang of breastfeeding, and I know it takes some time for any mom to get comfortable with it, but I never felt any improvement. I would get frustrated because I never knew how much she was getting so I never knew if she stopped nursing because she was just tired and fell asleep or was she really full? And it was still so painful for me. I know it's not supposed to be painful at all which means she just may have never learned to latch on properly, but how in the world am I supposed to know what to look for and how to correct it if she was?! Yes, I could have gone to a lactation consultant and tried to have it all figured out but who has the time or money for it...not me!
Last Monday I got a clogged milk duct, ouch. I was reading on the internet on some ways to help clear it and I had been toying with the idea of giving up breastfeeding for a while and just pump and give formula. And I came across a lactation consultant's website and I was reading her page and she was so adamant about breastfeeding (of course she should be), but it was like she was yelling at moms who didn't strictly breastfeed and they were depriving their children of bonding and nourishment...of course I started crying because I just felt so lost. I immediately felt extremely guilty for even having thought about stopping nursing and giving her formula. So I kept researching on ways to get rid of a clogged milk duct, then it hit me. This is my baby. If I want to stop nursing her I can, and I shouldn't feel guilty about it. Why should I dread having to feed my baby? I'm in pain, she never seems satisfied, I don't know how much she is getting, I'm never sure if she's really full or not and the list goes on! So right then and there I decided that I was going to continue to pump and feed her breastmilk along with formula and our lives have been so much easier since. It is amazing how little I'm stressed out now. I've decided that I'm just going to alternate every feeding between formula and breastmilk. Now I know that if she doesn't finish her bottle and she dozes off, that she's probably going to wake up and be hungry. I feel like a light switch has been turned on for the both of us.
So of course I then started thinking about the added expense of formula, but I think I have a plan :) I'm starting work back in January and the daycare is on the State Food Program. We are required to offer parents of infants our brand of formula (Parent's Choice), and they can choose to use ours or provide their own. So I figured if she is on formula during the day at daycare then I'll still give her the breastmilk in the evening at home leaving us with minimal costs towards formula! We went out and bought a container of the same kind of formula that the daycare uses and thankfully she likes it and even spits up significantly less than the Similac and Enfamil, how that happened I have no idea! So our new feeding ritual is working wonderfully right now, and I hope it continues to!
You shouldn't feel guilty for making a decision that was best for you and Korbyn. No one knows your situation but you - things work best for different people. People talk bad that my girls are in bed with us, but it was what was best for us at the time. So until someone is in your shoes, they shouldn't make judgments!
ReplyDeleteI only gave Maddy formula with what happened after her birth I couldn't have breast fed if I wanted to and I never wanted to anyway. She is healthy and she and I are very close. Now with Alaina I am doing the same thing. Maybe for some moms it helps them bond but for me I have bonded with both of my babies no problem. You should do what makes sense for you.
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