First laugh!

I don't know if you can see the picture very well.  But it's our chicken roosting on our table on our front porch.  I honestly can't believe that Pearl is still with us!  I named her Pearl a while back ago :)  We got six chickens I think almost two years ago and one by one they got picked off by either dogs or coyotes and she has been the only one left for a VERY long time.  It's so funny because we have even given this chicken away to my brother and his wife who have probably over a dozen chickens who they coop up and let out occassionally.  Well the first time they let the chickens out Pearl is right back in our yard again!  And then she'll disappear for weeks at a time and we'll think that she finally got eaten by something and then there she is again...right on our front porch!  We don't give her food or water so I really don't even know why she hangs around.  It just blows my mind that she's still alive!!!

Korbyn laughed for the first time Wednesday night!  It was probably a one time thing, but it was definitely a real laugh.  I was getting her ready for her bath and I had just finished taking her temperature, which she also likes but I'll explain later.  I bent down to reach for a cotton ball in the drawer that was underneath her to clean the thermometer and I popped up real fast and I noticed that it startled her and she squealed so I bent down again and I said "boo" when I came back up real fast and she laughed!!!  I did it again and she laughed again!  So I yelled to Colton that she was laughing and he came in the bathroom and of course she never did it again, just smiled real big.

So here lately Korbyn has had to have her temperature taken a lot because of the rsv, and of course we check it rectally. The first time she went to the dr. she was so tiny and so mad that she had to be undressed that she was screaming anyway when they took her temp.  But ever since then she always smiles so big when they stick that thermometer up her rear!  When we go to the dr. she's usually sleeping when we go to weigh her and they always tell me "well she'll get a rude awakening here in a second."  I tell them "oh no she won't" and sure enough when they stick it in her bottom she just continues to sleep or if she was already awake she'll give them a big smile!  The nurses tell me that they have NEVER seen a baby not scream or squirm when they get their temp. taken rectally.  And she even does it at home.  But I think it's just because when I'm about to take it I get her attention and try to make her smile and put her in a good mood, so maybe she just associates it with being happy.  Who knows...but it's kinda weird :)

Pictures

Waiting for dad after church, he had a meeting that lasted over an hour!  But thankfully she was happy the entire time.

 This is right before we went to the dr. to find out that we had rsv :(  But...still happy!  Look at that big pot belly lol!  She weighed 12 lbs. at the dr.!!!  But, she had her clothes on.  Still...she was only 11 two weeks ago!

 She has basically been living next to the humidifier.  It puts out a really good mist, so much that her seat feels wet after a while, but I know it helps her and she doesn't seem to mind it.

It's so funny seeing such a little person sitting up like that!  She's still very wobbly in her bumbo, but she can stay up in it and she likes to sit in it and look around.

RSV

Whatever we woke up with the other day, I thought it was just allergies, has now turned into rsv for poor Korbyn!  It's awful!

Wednesday evening when I was picking her up out of her room at the daycare I noticed she had a little cough, nothing major since she had so much snot and congestion the entire week.  But when we got home it turned into this tight, nasty sounding cough which I knew was NOT normal.  I took her to the dr. on Thursday just because we have so much stuff going around the daycare and with the weekend coming up I just wanted to get her checked out.  Sure enough the dr. said she has rsv!  We weren't able to see her dr. but at that point I didn't care I just wanted someone to see her that day.  He said that there's nothing they can do, just let it run its course and by the weekend you should start to notice her getting slightly better, and if anything changes or if she gets worse to bring her back in. 

Colton has been gone all week again for work.  He came back Friday evening and then had to leave again Sunday afternoon :(  AND he was on call for this weekend!  Of course he gets called out right away Saturday morning and has to leave for a job.  Not 30 minutes after he leaves I'm on the phone with the nurse because ever since she woke up her breathing was so fast and shallow and she was having a coughing attack every 5 minutes and she just puked up her whole bottle because of all the coughing.  The nurse scared the crap out of me.  I was explaining to her what she had been having and that we went to the dr. Thursday and so on.  She immediately sounded worried and asked if she was running any fever.  I told her that she hasn't been because I've been checking it constantly but let me go check it.  She had 99.1, which I considered nothing.  As soon as I told the nurse that she said "how far away are you from the Today Care?" (Scott and White's walk in clinic) I told her that we're an hour away and she said "no, go to the nearest ER now!  This is an emergent situation"  I panicked and said but we're an hour away from that too!  She said to get her there as fast as we can.  So I'm trying to hold back the tears and I call my mom and ask if she can go with me.  She comes to the house and we're headed to Bryan.  But thankfully my mom, who always has a level head on her shoulders, calmed me down and reassured me that she's breathing fine and she thinks we should just go to the Today Care.  Luckily we were in and out of there in less than 2 hours, and if we would have gone to the ER we would have probably still been in the waiting room!  The dr. looked at her and said she definitely has rsv and that she's going to get worse before she gets better and that she could be like this for a week.  But as long as she's not running fever and breathing ok, she should be fine.

Well last night I panicked again because the first dr. told me that if her breathing gets above 70 breaths a minute that she's having too hard of a time breathing.  Well I counted and she was breathing almost 90!  And I swore that above her lips it looked like it was turning blue, but Colton looked at her and he didn't think they were.  The nasty coughing I can handle, but her breathing makes me so nervous!  Then all she wanted to do was sleep.  She slept pretty much the past two days.  The only time she would cry was when she would start coughing really hard or when she was hungry, and even then she never even opened her eyes.  Poor baby.

Colton was already in bed last night when I told him that I was just going to sleep on the recliner with Korbyn so I could keep her upright.  Thankfully he said that he would come sleep on the couch with me so I wouldn't have to be by myself :)  I put the humidifier right next to us and she slept so soundly...I didn't, but at least she did.  I think she only coughed three times the entire night!  As soon as we woke up and I got her away from the humidifier she started having coughing attacks again.  So I'm keeping her next to it as much as I can and it really helps her.  She still coughs but it's not nearly as bad.  So hopefully my little booger will get better soon because I hate that she's sick and not feeling good.

PPD

So apparently after talking to people who read this blog I seemed to have scared some of them! 

A while ago I posted about the "baby blues" and was talking about how on some days I didn't even feel like doing any of it etc.  Well that was just scratching the surface.  I know some people might think it's inappropriate for me to talk about it, but postpartum depression IS real and I got a taste of it.

Up until about three weeks ago I was really depressed.  And the scary thing about it is I didn't even realize it until I came out of it.  When I went to my follow-up appointment my dr. was asking me questions about how I was feeling and she asked about any depression and I started telling her how I was feeling and some of the thoughts that were going through my mind and so on.  When I finished talking my dr. and my mom (she came along to help with Korbyn) were both just kind of staring at me.  My dr. finally said "you should have really called us."  My mom told the dr. that she had no idea that I was feeling any of this because I can apparently put on a pretty good act and I hid it very well. 

The thing was is that I thought I HAD to hide it to stay sane.  I felt so disconnected from Korbyn those entire first two months.  I was thinking things like, "I don't want to take care of her," or "ugh, why did I have this baby" and I felt like she totally and completely ruined my life.  Then later I would feel immense guilt for even having thought or feel that way and I would just get even more depressed.  And the scary thing is is that if someone asked how we were doing during that time I would tell them "oh, everything is great!" but I felt like I had to let people know that we were ok and I couldn't let anyone know how I really felt, I didn't even talk to Colton about it because I was so ashamed for having those feelings.  I know it sounds so awful for someone to think that way about their baby but that's what ppd is and it's horrible.

BUT TRUST ME, WE'RE ALL GOOD NOW!  It's indescribable the way I feel about her now.  I now have this incredible bond with her and I will literally scratch someone's eyes out if they harm a hair on my baby!  But looking back on those first two months I didn't feel that way at all.  I guess we really didn't have that instant bond and connection that so many people talk about.  And that was another thing that would make me feel guilty.  I had this huge expectation before she was born that no matter how tired or hard it got I would have my baby and my baby would have me and I'll do anything for her and it'll all be rainbows and glitter!  Wrong! 

So I guess the whole point of me talking about it is first of all a little healing process for me, just getting it off my chest and out in the open.  And I also wanted to let those people know that yes, I wasn't myself for a while even though I tried to act like it and yes, life is getting a little closer to constant rainbows and glitter :)

All about Korbyn

There are some things that in just the past few weeks we've learned about our daughter:

She LOVES her bath (but what baby doesn't!), but absolutely HATES getting out of the tub.  I don't know if it's just because she knows that it's bedtime and she's about to get a bottle so she gets fussy or she knows that I'm about to rub her down with lotion, clean her ears and earrings, clean her nose (which she also hates), or what but she is extremely happy before I start to bathe her and during her bath, but immediately when I take her out she starts crying.  And I know she's not cold because I turn a little heater on in the bathroom as soon as I get home and close the door and it gets so warm in there I almost break a sweat!  And I also wrap her up in a towel, so who knows.

She is the laziest eater I have ever known.  It usually takes her about 45 minutes to feed her 4 ounces...I'm not even kidding.  Even at daycare they tell me that it takes her forever to eat!  Usually she dozes off right in the middle so you have to try to wake her up and get her going again.  One evening she was really hungry and I would stick the bottle in her mouth and she would suck on it a little bit then start whining and act like she was frustrated.  So I cut the nipple a little bit to get more milk flowing and she was happy.  Unfortunately I've ruined about three nipples by cutting them too much, dad is much better at that :)  But I thought that with the milk now flowing faster she would finish faster, nope!  Colton has even said that he gets frustrated when he feeds her because it takes too long, men have no patience.  So needless to say I am SO ready for the bottle stage to be over with.

She is getting too nosy.  Not really, I'm so glad that she's more alert now and is able to interact with us, but if you hold her you can't sit down with her, you have to walk around with her face out so she can see everything.

She loves watching TV!  Thank goodness is all I have to say about that.

She sleeps so much better during the night when she's been at daycare all day.  It's so weird, she can sleep the same amount of time during the day whether it be at home or daycare and when she's been at school all day she sleeps so much more sound and for a longer period of time.  I usually put her down around 8-8:30 and she sleeps until about 4:30, which is perfect because that's when I get up and get ready for work.  I know it sounds really early, but hello...I have a baby who takes almost an hour to feed!

She has changed our lives tremendously that's for sure.  But I honestly can say that I can't imagine my life without my lil' booger :)

Flu and strep

Thursday at the dayschool was absolutely crazy!  Korbyn and I were running a little late that morning because that was when we had our rough night, so we didn't get to work until after 8.  Almost as soon as I sat down in the office a teacher brought me a kid that was running fever, so I call their parents.  Then another teacher informed me that a kid had just puked in the classroom and I went to check on them and they didn't look good at all and the poor thing was still dry heaving into the trash can so I immediately go contact their parents.  While I'm on the phone leaving them a message I see a teacher come running down the hall and they tell me that they just checked this kid's temperature and it read 103 under the arm (which means technically it was 104).  Then not 30 minutes later I get a call from a parent whose kid had been out the past couple of days and informs me they just got out of the dr.'s office and they tested positive for the flu!  My stomach immediately started turning.  So I get back on the phone with the parents of the kid that was puking and told them make sure they get tested for the flu.  Sure enough they call me later that afternoon and the kid has the flu!  In the meantime I was making sure the teachers were disinfecting their rooms and their toys immediately and making sure everyone was washing their hands constantly.  Then I sent an email to all the parents informing them that there is a case of the flu at the dayschool and just to be aware of your child because neither of these kids showed any symptoms, just all of a sudden high fever.  Then a parent replied back to my email and said to add her kid to the list because they also had the flu.  I felt so bad because it was already out of my hands and there was nothing we could really do to stop it, because whoever is going to get it at this point is already infected with it.  Then Friday we had two cases of strep!  But thankfully no more flu.  It just makes me so nervous because my little baby is at the same place where all of this is going on!  I almost took off the rest of the day on Thursday just to get her out of there.  But I know that little babies have a better immune system right now more than ever, so I knew we just had to stick it out and she would be ok.  But I've still been checking her temperature like every couple of hours just to be sure!  Tis the season :(

Rough night

Yesterday Korbyn and I both woke up with what appears to be allergies.  Both of us are really stopped up and have a lot of drainage with burning, watery eyes.  She was still pretty happy all day though, but I know she must have been starting to get frustrated because she hasn't really gotten the hang of breathing through her mouth yet.  Last night was AWFUL.  I'm going on about 3 hours of sleep right now because I just laid in bed all night just listening to her try to breathe.  I would doze off then wake right back up to her snorting.  Around 12:30 I went in and sucked her nose out again, which helped but she was wide awake so then we had to eat something before she would go back to sleep.  Then around 3 I tried putting her in bed with me propped up on pillows but she still couldn't breathe.  Then I finally took her with me into the living room and we sat upright in the recliner until 5:30 then I had to get up and get ready for work.  I gaver her a warm bath, turned her humidifier on and suctioned her nose and that's pretty much all I could do for her.  So any advice or little tricks that anyone knows of I sure would appreciate it :)

 This is what poor Korbyn looked like all day yesterday and still today :(

 We still managed to get a smile even though she felt cruddy.

She loves her Christmas present that Memaw Debbie got for her.  At first she didn't really care for it but now she's so content to just sit there and watch the lights and listen to the music!

Nicknames

My many nicknames for Korbyn:

Turd muffin
Turd
Angel
Angel butt
Korky (my dad came up with this one the night she was born and I think Colton calls her that more than Korbyn!)
Angel face
My lil' strawberry (because of her hair)
Munchkin
Peach fuzz (also because of her hair)

And I'm sure I'll come up with some new ones as she continues to grow and amaze me :)

More pictures

 Our ONLY family Christmas picture!!!  Once Christmas was over I realized that this was the only one we had!  Oh well, at least it's a pretty good one :)

 This is my ABSOLUTE favorite picture of my little turd.

 So happy to be in her carseat, really she's just so happy all the time.

She loves to watch T.V.!!!  She got a Little Einstein movie for Christmas and I didn't play it for her yet because it said 3mos. and up and it had "real" animals on it and I didn't think she would be interested in it yet.  But the other night I came into the living room and her head is strained trying to look at the T.V.  It shocked me because she had never done that before, so we moved her swing in front of it and literally just sat back and watched her in amazement!  She follows the things on the T.V. with her eyes and everything, I was able to cook dinner without a peep.  I found my new helper :)

I'm really bummed and kind of nervous all at the same time.  Colton just called me earlier today and asked if I could run home and pack him a bag for a few nights because he has to go work down by the border and probably won't be back until Friday evening!  I immediatly had this gut wrenching feeling in my stomach and the first thing I asked him was "are you taking a gun?!"  We watch the show "Border Wars" and there are people getting shot all the time on our side for no reason, just so the drug cartel can prove absolutely nothing!  Thankfully he called me later and said that he still has to go south for a few nights but hopefully not that far south.  So that means Korbyn and I have the house to ourselves for a few nights, which means I won't have an extra hand to help me out in the evenings!  But we'll manage :)

Pictures

 Poor thing, this is around when that junk on her face flared up pretty bad.  It's not baby acne, she had that too, but the dr. called it something else and said it's really a mild case and just let nature take its course.

 She LOVES this sling!  I bought it to help me get things done around the house because she is a baby who likes to be held, and of course as soon as I put her in it she falls asleep!  It's almost too cozy :)

 Her first picture with Santa!  Check out Santa's rockin braid.

 This is right after we left Santa.  That outfit was humongous on her but she quickly filled it out by Christmas.

 Pixie loves laying in her bouncy seat.  Thankfully Korbyn likes to sit in her seat, as long as the vibrator is on...she'll let you know when it turned off.

 Christmas at Memaw and Papaw Doug's!

 Mmmm...my little angel :)

 Nanny Beisert's Christmas.  These are her Beisert cousins.

 Grace and Kaylene love her!

 "Please mom, enough with the pictures!"

 Sweet baby

 HA, she looks so funny sitting like that.

 I love this bow that Jenn gave her.

 Christmas at Memaw and Papaw Mike's.  These are my nieces and nephews.

 I'm surprised she's not screaming

This sleeper is gettin a little snug :)

Still no internet

We still don't have internet at our house!  It's so frustrating.  Apparently we have an upload and download threshold (didn't know that until it went out) and we went over our upload limit.  How, I have no clue.  I called the service and asked them what's up with our connection and they said that we were at 130% for our uploads.  I told them the only information we ever put on the internet is this blog and we've never gone over our limit and I hadn't done anything out of the ordinary so I don't understand.  I need to call them again because I don't even see how it got to 130%, wouldn't it have cut off at 100?

Well I'm officially back at work...and I LOVE it!  Monday was my first day and then yesterday Korbyn had her 2-month well check.  It's so nice because I can check on her whenever I want and I'm still at work.  Even though I knew she was just down the hall I still checked on her like 10 times!  And amazingly every single time I went in there she had a smile on her face, it was awesome.  And I love the two girls that are in the infant room, they are so wonderful and they do such a great job.  I told Mrs. Nichole (the lead teacher) that here lately she hasn't been on much of an eating schedule but if they could get her back on one that would be great.  They had to feed that little rascal every two hours!  And she would still eat 4 ounces at a time!  She's gonna be a little chunk no doubt.  I then told her that I've noticed if she sleeps more than 5 hours she has a harder time staying asleep at night.  I told them of course if she's sleepy and she falls asleep let her, but don't TRY to put her to sleep.  Towards the late morning Nichole calls me in the office and she says "you meant 5 hours at a time right?" and I was like "no in a day!"  She just laughed and said "oh, ok!"  And they did a good job on that too, I think she only slept 3 hours all day.  She obviously loves daycare, well so far, and I'm so thankful for that.  The days leading up to us going back were pretty stressful for me as I'm sure it is for every new mom.  It's not that I was afraid they weren't going to take care of her (I run the place so I KNOW that happens :)  I just start thinking all these thoughts like, what if she starts fussing and they don't know how she likes to be held to soothe her etc.  But now I know she's in great hands and I have nothing to worry about!

Korbyn has been a great sleeper for a while now.  She sleeps 7 hours a night no problem.  I remember the first night she did it I woke up on my own around 2:30 and I was thinking "that's weird, I haven't woke up by myself in a long time" I looked at the clock and realized she hadn't woke up yet.  I ripped the blanket off and literally ran down the hall into her room!  There she was just sleeping away.  I soon realized that on the nights I gave her a bath she would sleep 7 hours, but the nights that I skipped (we were doing every other night) she would still wake up about every 3 hours.  So needless to say she gets a bath every night now!  It's becoming so much easier now.  She gets a bath, a bottle, and goes in her crib.  Sometimes she'll still be awake when I put her down but she knows it's bedtime and she eventually drifts off without a peep.  I'm so proud of my little girl :)

She weighs 11lbs. 9oz. I would have thought it to be a little higher than that so I was really surprised.  And she's 21.5"  She also had to get 3 shots and an oral vaccine, it was awful!  They tell you to get real close to them and hold down their arms.  I was watching her face the entire time and she got that first one (she got them all within about 5 seconds) and her eyes got real big and then by that last one she was screaming and tears were rolling down her face!  Of course I cried, and just thinking about it again almost makes me tear up.  I actually should get the award for "worst mother in the entire world" for what I did next.  I got her ears peirced right after that.  I guess I was just thinking that I'm already here and who knows when I'll be back, and she's already pissed off anyway so I might as well get all the hurt out of the way.  So we go to the mall (my dr. said she doesn't do it but she would personally let the experts do it anyway) and I hold her in my lap and of course she screams again!  And then I couldn't really comfort her because we had to get back in the car and rush home because I had a meeting at 6:15.  So I dropped her off at memaw coates' (not sure how we're doing that yet because they are both memaws!) and then I got back as soon as I could because my stomach was literally hurting just thinking about how much pain she must be in.  She ate about 7p.m. and I picked her up around 8 and we went home took a bath and she was just so fussy the entire time.  Then I tried to give her a bottle but she didn't want any of it.  I was holding her and she would doze off and then she would just wake up crying in pain (this is with tylenol) and then doze off again, ugh it was horrible!  So I put her in her crib and she slept until 5 o'clock this morning!!!!  I did notice though that last night when I would mess with her earrings she didn't mind that at all, but if I accidentally touched either one of her thighs she would jerk and then start screaming so I know she was miserable because of the shots, but I'm sure the earrings didn't help the situation.  When she woke up this morning she was all smiles though so hopefully she's feeling much better.

I brought my camera to post some pictures but of course my cord is at the house.  So hopefully I'll remember to bring it after lunch and I can put some pictures up.