First little scare

This past Friday was a rough day.  She was wanting to eat every hour and then she would only eat for like 10 minutes at a time and she was really fussy.  My aunt had told me at her baptism that when they do that that usually means they're going through a growth spurt and that's their way of telling your body to produce more milk, makes complete sense.  So of course she's eating more, which means she's pooping more...A LOT more.  I'm not kidding, every time I would put a clean diaper on her 5 minutes later she would need a new one.  Then because she was eating so often I never even put my nursing pads back in my bra the entire day and made for some really sore ninnies :)  All of that was rough, but since I knew what was going on with her it made it easier to handle.  About 4 p.m. she had yet another dirty diaper and when I looked at it I noticed it had blood in it.  It was mixed in with her stool so I know it wasn't discharge and it looked like mucous.  So needless to say that freaked me out a little.  I didn't want to worry too much so I waited to see if she had another one like it.  Sure enough at 5 p.m. she had another poop and it looked just like the previous one.  That's when I got that nasty gut feeling that something might really be wrong.  So I started pulling ALL of her diapers out of the trash from the entire day to double check that other ones didn't have blood in them and I just missed it, thankfully those were the only two.  When Colton got home I showed him her diaper and asked him if it looked like blood (because again, I didn't want to start freaking out so I wanted to make sure it actually WAS blood).  He said that ya that it's definitely blood.  At this point I just wanted someone to tell me if I can finally start freaking out!  I just needed someone to tell me either "yes, this is something you need to get checked out NOW" or "keep an eye on it and if it gets any worse go get it checked."  I immediately checked her temperature (normal) and called the ped. office.  Of course they're closed for Thanksgiving and the answering service said to call the after hours number on the card.  I called the number and it said to call your ped. office because it wasn't officially "after hours" yet (it was like 4:30)...are you kidding me!?  So I call the nurse advice line and finally talk to someone.  I made sure to let her know that my concern is the blood in her diaper, not her strange eating and pooping habits today.  So she asks me all sorts of questions and the lady doesn't even sound concerned nor is she telling me whether or not I need to go to the ER (our only option at this point) to get it checked, she just keeps explaining reasons for why she may be wanting to eat and why she may be pooping so much.  I wanted to yell at her "I don't care why you think she's eating so much today, just tell me if I can wait until tomorrow or should we come in tonight!!!!"  She finally lets me talk to the on-call dr.  Thankfully he didn't sound concerned at all and just said that if she starts running a fever or has other symptoms (he read off a long list) to bring her into the ER but right now we could wait until tomorrow to have her checked out.  After talking to him I felt better but still had this nasty feeling because nobody had told me any possibilities of why there was blood in her diaper.  Earlier I had called my mom while waiting for the nurse to call me back and just basically asked her if we should go ahead get it checked tonight.  She said to wait and see what the nurse had to say.  My sister-in-law had picked up her kids at my mom's house and my mom told her about it so she called me as soon as she could.  She told me don't take her into the ER and not to worry.  She said that her kids would do that and that it would pass and it's nothing to worry about.  She explained to me a couple of things that it could be and that was the biggest relief I've felt in a long time.  Even though I was still worried, it helped so much to know that someone else had gone through this and knew what to expect.  Sure enough she never had another bloody diaper, I'm so glad she called me!

Baby blues

 This is how Korbyn likes to sleep!  I'm sure tons of newborns sleep like this, but it's funny because this is how Colton and I both like to sleep.  We both like to sprawl out.  Needless to say a queen size bed for the two of us is WAY too small.  She is also a really light sleeper, which I think she gets from me (she has to get something from me!).  Colton can ONLY fall asleep in a bed or on a couch, for some reason he can't go to sleep like in a car or something but once he's asleep, he's out.  An earthquake could be taking place outside and he wouldn't even know it if he was asleep.  Whenever she wakes up at night to eat, he never hears either one of us get up.  I'm just the opposite.  I can pretty much fall asleep anywhere I need to, but wake at the tiniest noise, which makes it easy to hear her first little hunger noises at night :)

We just came back from the Beisert thanksgiving.  Her head is finally getting big enough to support the crochet headbands.  This is actually the first one that she has worn, but of course it didn't last long because it kept falling off.  Colton said she looked like a turkey with that big bow on her head...I think it's ADORABLE!

So I definitely had, still kind of have, a case of the baby blues.  Whoever said that having a newborn is the happiest time in your life must be the most annoying person in the world!  This has been the most stressful and hardest time of my entire life.  I definitely find myself not wanting to deal with it all on some days, I'm not talking scary suicidal thoughts or anything like that, just wanting someone to come over and take care of her while I leave for an entire day.  Trust me, I love her more than words can describe, and I know a lot of feeling like this has to do with my hormones and it will get easier with time.  In fact, I can already tell a difference.  It was SO hard that first full week being home, and honestly I think it had to do with people coming to visit.  I enjoyed every second of every visitor that we had, and I know Colton did because he would ask for people to come over, it was so nice to have adult conversations with all of our guests.  But looking back it was really hard for Colton and I to get adjusted and I'm sure it was hard for her too with people coming and going those first few days.  Now that we seem to be back in our normal routine, we all seem to be doing a lot better.  We're still trying to figure each other out, but with each day it gets much easier :)

Baptism

This past Sunday we had Korbyn baptized!  It turns out she was able to wear my dress, which was really special.  When my mom came over about a week before to try it on her it SWALLOWED her, but the rascal is filling out fast and wouldn't you know after my mom spent who knows how long on making a whole new dress for her it turned out to fit her perfectly the day before!  I told my mom I felt awful that she made her a dress and she wasn't going to wear it, but she said that she would rather her be able to wear mine...thanks mom :)  Amazingly she was awake from the time we put her in the car to go to church up until the sermon!  The only time she made a peep was when pastor poured the water on her head, she did NOT like that at all.

Pediatrician

Check out those juicy lips!  She looks like a little boy to me in this picture.

Korbyn had her two week check up today and she weighed 7 lbs. 1 oz. or 6 oz., I can't remember and I can't find the sticker that they gave her with it written on it right now.  And apparently she shrunk!  They first measured her at 19.5" and I said "whoa...what?" so she measured her again and she was 20" I said "that's weird because in the hospital she was 20.5" she said they see babies shrink all the time for their first official appointment!  She said the way they measure them in the hospital isn't always accurate because they just make a mark where there head is and then measure the length.  In the ped. office I actually had to hold her head straight against a "wall" and then the nurse stretched her out straight and took the measurement, so really I think they're much more accurate.  But oh well, she's still 20.5" in my book :) 

I LOVE her pediatrician!!!  I was really nervous because this is the first time that we saw her.  She is really down to earth and talks to you like she has known you forever.  Thankfully my mom was able to come with me to help me out :)  I asked her dr. of course how long we should wait before really taking her out and about.  She answered with the standard 6-8 weeks.  She said of course if you have to go to the store for something by all means you can go, just go on a Tuesday at 9 a.m. not on a Saturday afternoon and keep people away from her face, which I kinda figured that already.  Then I asked her about her baptism this Sunday.  She made a face and was kind of hesitant to answer (I knew what she wanted to tell us).  So I said, "do we need to tell people not to hold her?" and she said "I really would."  AGHHHH!  How are we supposed to tell people not to get close to her and they can't hold her at her baptism?!  She said there's just so much that she can catch right now and that if she does happen to catch even the tiniest fever there's NOTHING they can do about it.  Yes, they can take really extreme measures if it comes down to it, but why on earth would I want to risk it?  Then she made a really good point.  Sometimes people are carrying a sickness and they don't even know it yet because they have no symptoms but it can still be passed to another person.  Trust me, I am not the paranoid, germaphobe type...but the thought of something happening to my baby just because we careless would absolutely kill me.  Do we risk hurting everybody's feelings by not letting them hold her or do we risk Korbyn catching something that she may not be able to get over...well of course I'm willing to hurt someone's feelings over the health of my baby.  It's not like someone coming over for a visit where I know only one person will hold her and I can make sure they wash their hands and stay out of her face.  But at something like a baptism if I let one person hold her, then before we know it she'll be handled by 50 different people and exposed to who knows what!  So I don't know what we're going to do yet, I wish she could wear a t-shirt that said "If you love me you won't touch me"  :)  The next baby will definitely NOT be a winter baby...it's too stressful!!!!

Cousins

Sunday we went to Memaw and Papaw Doug's to take family pictures with Doug's family.  Mark, Jana, Avery and Addy were able to come down and this was the first time they've met Korbyn.  The girls were so excited to see her, it was so sweet!  Amazingly Memaw was able to catch Korbyn smiling when Avery was holding her!!!  I can't even catch it!  For the pictures we took one huge group picture, then were able to take immediate family pictures as well.  I can't wait to see them!

It's really depressing trying to find something to wear for things like this.  Everyone wore jeans and any kind of white shirt.  I thought to myself that I could just wear the button down shirt I wore for our engagement pictures...HA!  I could get it on, but it wasn't pretty.  And of course I'm still in maternity pants, I think my hips doubled in size!  I know it hasn't even been two weeks yet and everything will slowly get back to (or close to) normal with time, but UGH!!!  I told Colton I could make some extra money this holiday season by playing Santa Claus with my bowl full of jelly!  Oh the joys of motherhood :)

I finally got her birth announcement in the paper.  It has to be in by Tuesday before noon and when did I send them the email?  12:01.  I finished feeding her around 10 a.m. this morning and played with the idea that I could get her dressed and get a picture in plenty of time.  OMG!  It took an hour to get a picture of the little fart.  She was fine and then everytime I would set her down her hands would either go straight up to her face or she would start fussing and it was super hard to accomplish this task by myself.  These were just a few of the ones I actually took.  I love the second one but when I would try to take that paci out of her mouth she would start flipping out so I chose the first one for her announcement.  I would have loved to have one with her eyes open but no such luck.  I also thought about waiting another week hoping she would fill out this outfit a little better.  Jennifer's mom, Nancy gave her the camo onesie and I added the pants because without them it was so obvious that it was too big for her.  I even thought about getting some clothespins to make it fit better lol!  But I think I did a pretty good job of tucking everything back right before I would take the picture.  I can't wait until she starts fitting in more of her clothes!

Getting easier

Overall I'm starting to realize that she is a great baby. I decided as soon as I found out we were pregnant that I wanted her to be on a schedule. This is just from my personal experience with all the babysitting jobs I've had. It was so much easier on me when I knew and the kids knew what to expect at certain times of the day. When I lived in Austin I got this great babysitting job for a really nice family. I was almost like their nanny because I was there almost everyday caring for their new infant (and I also had their toddler in my class at the daycare I worked at). But I remember that she was on a schedule and it made my time there so enjoyable and to me it made for a very happy baby because I knew at what time I could get other household chores done because I knew exactly when she was going to wake up and exactly when she would be hungry etc. Well with Korbyn I didn't expect to really put her on any schedule until she was about a month or so, but with all this jaundice scare the dr.s told me to feed her as often as I can because the more she poops the faster it will all clear up. So I did. I would set my alarm for every 3 hours and feed her whether she was asleep or not, and of course this created an unintentional schedule for the both of us.  I now feed her every 4 hours, not 3.  But it is becoming easier every day because she will eat, poop, be awake for about 30-45 minutes then sleep until her next feeding and so on.  And I still wake her up for her feedings now just so we can stick to this schedule, but for some reason the rascal needs no waking for her 3 a.m. feeding :)

Breastfeeding is much more difficult than I ever thought possible.  But that too is also getting easier every day.  I'd like to put some milk back just for when we go somewhere and when I go back to work so I'm going to try to breastfeed her during the day then her last feeding before bed we have been giving her a formula bottle.  I told Colton I kind of feel guilty for giving her formula every day.  But it really works for us because this way Colton gets to feed her in the evenings, I get to pump in place of a feeding so I can put some milk back, and she seems to be really satisfied by the formula.  So it's a win win all the way around. 

 Daddy and Korbyn watching football on the first day home.

 This was the first time Colton fed her, he was nervous...but did a great job :)

 This was when she was 5 days old and you can definitely tell she is jaundice, the picture really doesn't do justice as to how yellow she looked though.

After we came back from the dr. on Wednesday, she's saying "yay!  No more heel pricks!" :)

Rough couple of days

While in the hospital Korbyn's bilirubin level was a 9 (her jaundice level).  We were discharged on Saturday and they told us they wanted us to come back Sunday to have her blood drawn.  So Sunday we head back to the hospital, have her blood drawn, I cry (of course), and then wait around for the results.  I told them I wanted to wait for the results instead of driving an hour back home and then have the possibility of having to turn back around if they were going to admit her.  They said her level was at a 13.  The levels are weird because the higher the number is the more jaundice they are, but their numbers are allowed to get a little higher with each day of life.  They wanted us to come do a weight check at the pediatrician's office on Monday already and they said since her level went up to go ahead and head back to the hospital after her weight check to have her blood drawn again.  So Monday she weighed 6 lbs. 13 oz. and her level was at a high 15.  They said they'll admit her and do phototherapy once her level reaches a 20.  So of course they don't like the 15 and say that we need to come back on Wednesday for another weight check and to have her level checked AGAIN!  By all means we don't mind driving an hour to the dr. and an hour back everyday for almost 4 days in a row for our baby, but Colton and I were just getting frustrated because we felt helpless and then they kept telling us that jaundice peaks at the 4th and 5th day of life...well then have us come on THOSE days, not every day in between! 

After we had her blood drawn at the hospital I told Colton I want to run by Once Upon A Child because the girl literally had 2 pairs of pants and 4 onesies that actually fit her!  And by this time we had already exhausted half of her wardrobe!  So Colton waited in the truck with Korbyn while I went in and grabbed all the "newborn" onesies I could find, I actually only walked out of there with 2 pairs of pants and 5 onesies, but it has helped so much.  She is much smaller than I anticipated.  Right before I went in the store my mom called and was updating me on a man that she works with.  He recently had a very simple surgery and somehow his esophagus was scratched when they took the breathing tube out, then he got an infection and they put him in a coma (there are more details this is just what I could remember).  My mom was telling me that they just found out that his brain was showing no activity and that now they're just waiting.  I personally don't know this man, but just the fact that he woke up after surgery, everything was fine, they were talking about going home in a couple of days, then all of a sudden everything changes.  While on the phone with her I just start thinking about Korbyn.  I know it's just jaundice but untreated babies with high levels can have permanent brain damage, and I know she wasn't even close to having extreme high levels, but I started tearing up thinking of what COULD happen.  Then of course I start thinking about it more and more and I just hand Colton the phone and tell him to tell her that I'll have to call her back and I lose it.  I start bawling uncontrollably.  Then in a few minutes I was fine and I explain to Colton why I was crying and I then figured that a lot of it was due to my crazy hormones!  So Wednesday when we go back to have her blood drawn her weight was 6 lbs. 13 oz. and they just used this probe thing in the ped. office that showed a 13 so they didn't make us go hospital to have her blood drawn and they said they next time they'll need to see her is at her 2 week check up...YAY!

We decided that Colton should probably head back to work since he doesn't have that many vacation days, so he went back Thursday.  So Thursday was the first day home by myself with her...it was rough.  She was a little fussy, all I wanted to do was close my eyes, I had a slight headache that turned into a migraine about 3 o'clock and Colton called and said he had to work late and wouldn't be home until about 7:30!  On any other day it probably would have been fine, but I felt like my world was crashing down all around me and there was nothing I could do about it.  My head was hurting so bad that I was in tears when Colton made it home.  Thankfully my mom brought us dinner and with the use of an ice pack (thanks Cynthia!) my headache eventually tapered off just in time for another feeding!